Marriage problems: Are power struggles destroying your relationship?

In the past you were single…

…and you could make decisions without having to check in with anyone.

Your favorite color was red and you liked small, fast cars (as in Cherry Red Sports Car, beloved even though you wrenched your back getting in and out);

The one bedroom apartment felt "cozy" and "just right," so you signed the longest lease you could get;

You decided to get a tattoo … a few Margaritas later, "I love Hank" was scrawled across your shoulder. (Unfortunately, you don't know any Hanks.)

Then "you" became a "we"…

…when you fell head over heels in love and made a commitment to another person (and a commitment to the relationship). And suddenly the two-seater is inadequate because it can't hold groceries; the apartment is woefully too small for the visiting in-laws; and your significant other gives you a gift certificate for the newest boutique in town: "Tats: You Get 'Em, We Strip 'Em."

You probably wouldn't argue with the fact that certain responsibilities come with being part of an intimate, committed relationship (you now exist as part of an "us," in addition to being a "me"). You could even make the argument that these responsibilities are part of what make being in love so rewarding.

One such responsibility includes consulting with your partner whenever you're faced with an important decision. The thinking here is that big decisions impact both of you, so it only makes sense to ask about your partner's opinions and feelings regarding any potentially important decision.

Major problems can arise when…

…you equate consulting with your partner with a loss of freedom and control in your life. Relationship problems arise when you fail to learn the give-and-take two-step, the relationship dance all couples must become skilled at in order to create a harmonious relationship.

Here's the basic premise of the give-and-take two-step (don't worry if you have two left feet, it's pretty simple, at least on paper):

Step 1: You give to your partner by acknowledging and meeting her/his wishes and needs.

Step 2: You take (receive) when your partner acknowledges and meets your wishes and needs.

Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 often.

Here's the great thing about the give-and-take two-step: there will be moments when there is no difference between giving and receiving. If it's meaningful to see your partner happy and content, you will experience the gift of receiving every time you give to your partner. No one loses in this dance!

Unfortunately, many fail to learn to do the give-and-take, and there's another dance that many couples start doing instead.

Enter the power-struggle shuffle

The power-struggle shuffle feeds off a destructive "I'm right, you're wrong" energy. In this dance, your ego fights for top billing and equates the idea of "giving to" your partner with "giving in" or losing.

Rather than experience the joys of "giving to," the ego runs on the treadmill of illusion, seeking areas of the relationship where it can feel in control and claim victory. Needing to win or feel in control is the death-knell to compromise and intimacy. When one of you loses, so does the relationship. As long as the "win-lose" tempo keeps the power-struggle shuffle alive, the gifts of intimacy will never be realized.

The playing field of power struggles: Making decisions

Power struggles often emerge when couples have to make decisions. It doesn't matter if you and your partner are butting heads over how much to tip the wait-staff, what school to send Junior to, or where to buy a new house, power struggles reflect the need to feel in control.

Mutuality and compromise: the antidote to power struggles

Many factors contribute to a successful marriage. A major contributor to success is learning how to become a team player, replacing the selfishness of the ego with an "us" and "we" mentality. Becoming a team player doesn't mean you abandon your identity and forgo opportunities to get your own needs met. What it does mean, however, is that you've made a commitment to another person and to something bigger than each of you—the relationship.

3 steps to compromise:

The first step in learning to compromise is to acknowledge (to yourself and your partner) that the person you fell in love with is a unique individual with his/her own wishes, needs, preferences, and experiences.

The second step in learning to compromise is to accept your partner's uniqueness. Needing to be in control of decisions is a major block to accepting that your partner's perspective is both different from your own and valid.

The third step in learning to compromise is to create enough space so that each of you has a voice in the decision-making process. This space is created when judgment is suspended and you and your partner take the time and effort to understand each other's perspective—even when you disagree with him/her.

Why can't I compromise?

If you find that you're having trouble compromising, it's important to understand your own struggle and resistance (rather than focusing your energies on what you perceive to be your partner's unreasonableness). A period of self-reflection in these moments can lead you down a path of self-discovery. When you find yourself resisting and unable to compromise, reflect on the following questions:

Why is this so difficult for me? What is fueling my resistance (e.g. fear, anger, resentment, etc.)?

What would happen if I give in a little?

What would I have to let go of in order to compromise?

One surefire way to drive a wedge between you and your partner is to begin making decisions as if you were single again. This is guaranteed to make your partner or spouse feel marginalized and before you know it, you'll be single again and you won't have to consult with anyone except your lonely self.

To discover ways to create a deeper, more intimate relationship visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s free monthly Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.

As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue…before your arguments control you."

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

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Lost Luggage Compensation - Dealing With Lost Luggage

Ah, vacation, we look forward to a few glorious days away from the nine to five. We save for the trip, plan our leisure activities and happily pack our swim suits. Ideally, vacation times should be a stress free time and they usually are, but then sometimes things go wrong.

Maybe you are one of the unlucky few who are victim to the loss of your precious belongings and luggage. Luggage can go missing due to a luggage identification tag that has gone missing or an airline's luggage organizational problems. Either way walking around in the same clothes for five to ten days is not appealing for most people.

So can you get lost luggage compensation in for the inconvenience and loss of your belongings? Each airline will have there own policies on luggage compensation. Check their website or ask your agent.

Many airlines don't consider luggage lost until it's been missing for over 7 days. Airlines typically have a maximum value assigned to lost luggage; ask what this maximum cap is when checking in. You may wish to purchase extra insurance at the time. Also ask the airline about their reimbursement policy. Usually you'll need proof of your luggage contents to be able to collect. Keep receipts if possible. If your luggage fails to turn up, they may reimburse you only 50% of your replacement purchases upon submitting receipts. Don't neglect to also check with your home owner's policy. Some home insurance policies cover a portion of personal items lost during travel. Lastly, remember airlines won't accept liability for many items like cameras, jewellery, cash, computers and artwork.

Before leaving, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. When packing for your trip, consider packing an outfit or two in your carry-on luggage. If you're travelling with a partner consider placing some clothing items in each others luggage bags, just in case one bag makes it but the other doesn't. Also when packing, lay out all your items and photograph them with the luggage. Then create a list of your items, this helps you to prove the contents of your luggage. Make sure you label your luggage preferably inside and out with your home and destination details. Use a strong luggage tag that won't easily fall off. When you check in, make sure the agent places their tag on all the luggage pieces before sending them down the conveyor belt. And hopefully that trip down the conveyer belt isn't the last you'll see of your luggage.

Eve Duncan is a freelance writer, researcher and web publisher from Canada. If you're looking for new unique luggage visit Luggagegoodies.com where you can find popular polka dot luggage sets and vintage Hartmann luggage.

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Getting Back on the Writing Horse

After a four-month hiatus, I recently began to start publishing my newsletter for writers again. I’d justified the lapse by saying to myself and anyone who would listen that I’m just too busy during the summer months to keep the e-zine alive. After all, there’s my day job, my partner’s seasonal business that I help out with on weekends, bills to pay, errands to run...I surely had no lack of excuses.

Then it occurred to me—and you may identify with this—that the same thing happens to my freelance writing career from time to time. Like many writers, I sometimes get stalled; each time this occurs, I initially tend to blame external circumstances for my lack of productivity. Not enough time. Too many other things going on. I can’t write until I organize my notes, my desk, my home office, my entire life--!

As I began to compare my procrastination surrounding WriteSuccess with those times I am not writing, I realized that there are primarily two underlying causes for both:

Boredom. I sometimes become bored with the type of writing I’ve been doing; the writing begins to seem too much like work, too much of a struggle, and I would start to put it off. The same thing definitely happened with my work on WriteSuccess. I had published it biweekly for the better part of eight years, give or take a couple of breaks. It began to feel stale to me, and I was afraid that would translate into equally stale reading for my subscribers.

Whenever it dawns on me that boredom is the issue, I know it’s time to try new markets, or maybe just write for fun for a while, as I’d done as a child. Or perhaps it means that I need to stretch my writing muscles and experiment with different writing avenues, like writing the lyrics to a country and western song, developing greeting card sentiments, or going back to my very first writing love, fiction. Likewise, in order to recommit to WriteSuccess, I needed to breathe new life into it. Reformat it. Try some new things. The needs of writers on the internet have changed since the year 2000, when I published my first issue. WriteSuccess and I needed to change, too.

Fear. Fear has turned out to be another major reason for some of my writing lapses—fear of rejection, fear of wasting my time on something that no one would read or buy, fear of biting off more than I could chew, fear that maybe I’m not experienced enough to launch a copywriting business—I could go on, but this list is scaring me already!

Again, I was able to draw a parallel with why I’d been postponing the revival of WriteSuccess. I wanted to switch to an HTML format and make other changes as well. What if I had trouble working with the new design, and it came out looking wretched? What if I lost a ton of subscribers when I introduced the changes? These fear-based questions had me putting off this newsletter’s release date for weeks.

Fear is the more difficult block to admit to, and the tougher one to tackle. Indeed, it’s like getting back in the saddle after you’ve been thrown by a horse. You begin to think, maybe it’s time to find a new passion. Maybe it would be easier to...well, do just about anything rather than write again. After all, we certainly have enough things to distract us and devour our time. Who needs the added stress of worrying about whether or not one is writing?

But once I realize that it’s fear holding me back, I know what to do. What works for me is to take small steps. A sentence here, a paragraph there. With each step, the confidence grows and the fear dissipates. It works every single time. So if you haven’t written for a while, or find yourself procrastinating in any step of the writing process (editing your work, querying an idea, looking for an agent, etc.) take some time to find out the real reason why. It could be boredom, it could be fear, it could be something else altogether. But trust me, it’s not the messy closet you’ve been telling yourself you need to clean first.

Your writing horse awaits. Time to get back on it.

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Carbon Steel, Stainless Steel, Zamak, How do you choose the right Sword for you?

There are literally thousands of swords in different styles, materials, and price ranges available today. This can make choosing a sword a daunting experience to say the least. Hopefully with this article we can help you narrow that down a bit, and point out a few things to watch out for.

This article is going to mainly cover blade materials and the situations they’re best suited for, how much time you want to invest in your sword, as well as cost. As for the style of sword, well that we can’t really help with. The style of sword is as individual to a person as the way they choose to style their hair or the car they choose to buy..

Right now we’re going to look at three blade materials. That’s right three. Two that we all know, Carbon Steel and Stainless Steel, and one that you might not know Zamak. Zamak is an alloy that resembles steel, but can not be sharpened.

Carbon Steel: Carbon Steel swords are real functional swords that will stand up to the riggers of use, but as with everything else they come in different grades. High Carbon Steel swords are best, both in strength and durability, as well as holding an edge. Carbon Steel swords are also the highest maintenance swords. They, if not properly cared for and kept oiled, will corrode very easily. If you see the term “Battle Ready” sword, that generally means a fully functional Carbon Steel sword.

These Swords are for the hardcore sword owner. Someone that needs the sword to be functional, and won’t mind spending the time needed to care for it. These are generally the most expensive swords, due to the fact that they are usually hand forged.

Cost: Carbon swords can run any ware from $30.00 to $30,000.00+

Stainless Steel: Stainless Steel swords are not real swords as far as function goes. They are primarily a decorative sword. They look real, feel real, and most will hold an edge, which makes them a great display sword. But to use them in any other manner is to invite injury. The compound ‘Chromium’ is added to steel and this is what makes it Stainless. It also makes it brittle. A good enough hit to something with a Stainless Steel sword will snap it, and possibly injure you or someone nearby. Stainless Steel swords are low maintenance, and need only be cleaned off once and awhile.

These swords are great for display, and re-enactments. They are good for people who want a sword that looks and feels like a functional sword, but without the work or cost. They are less expensive than Carbon Steel while maintaining quality, due to the ability to mass produce them.

Cost: On average these swords will run from $20.00 to about $400.00.

Zamak: Zamak Is an alloy primarily used by a company called Denix. It is comprised of 95% zinc (Zn), aluminum, magnesium and copper. Swords made from this alloy are purely decorative, and try as hard as you like you can not put a functional edge on them. This makes them, among other things, the perfect display sword for family or educational environments. These are very low maintenance swords. They will not corrode, nor will they etch from human oils.

These are perfect decorative swords for a person that wants a sword that will look real on the wall, but will probably not be taken down very often, if at all. Because of their blade material they are perfect in family settings for safety, and for costumes, re-enactments, stage, screen, or as educational aids. Also because of the blade material, cost can be kept low without sacrificing quality.

Cost: The cost for these swords range from $60.00 to $110.00

Tips on buying a sword

Now in general the old adage rings true. You get what you pay for. That’s not to say you need to spend top dollar for a quality sword. There are some very good midrange swords on the market, and even one or two low range swords worth looking at. Every rule has it’s exceptions.

What you need to decide first is how authentic your sword needs to be, and how much your willing to invest in it. This will help you narrow the field considerably.

Next you need to realize that not all dealers have your best interest at heart. There are a lot of cheap imitation swords out there, which, in their pictures at least, resemble popular and reliable top name swords. So how do you tell?

Most reputable dealers that know they carry top name swords will proudly state the name of the swords manufacture.

Lets say you have two windows open side by side comparing the same sword on two sites. The picture looks the same and the name of the sword is the same, but the price is drastically different. Site A has the sword at $57.00, while Site B has the sword at $230.00. Your thinking that it’s to good to be true! Guess what...it probably is. Now you look and see that Site B proudly states the name of the manufacture, it may even be a name that you’ve seen many times in your search. Site A on the other hand does not state the manufacture. Why? It could be that they don’t know the name...not likely. Or it could be that they know if they put the wrong manufactures name on a knock off they would be sewed.

Now that’s not to say that is the case every time, but the top is an example of something that did happen, and the sword was a knock off of the popular sword. Our advise would be to contact the web site and ask who the manufacture of the sword is. If the sword is on the level, they will tell you the name. If they won’t tell you the name, move on to another site. This is best done by email. That way you have a record of it in case you buy the sword and it is not what they told you.

This is most common with prop replicas. Our advice in this area, again, when in doubt ask. Also know your sword.

Here are two examples: There is a cutlas on the market that is a knock off of a top name decorative pirate sword. It is being advertised as being from Pirates of the Caribbean. The sword is a basket hilt cutlas with a ship on the guard. There is no such sword in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Another favorite of mine is the Duncan MacLeod Highlander Katana. There is no jewel on Duncan’s sword! Walk away from it.

In closing I would like to start you on your way with a list of some of the more popular and trusted names in swords. This list covers quality swords from inexpensive to expensive.

Functional swords ( Carbon Steel): CAS Iberia, Hanwei, Valiant Armoury, Cold Steel.

Decorative Swords (Stainless and Zamak): Armaduras Medievals, Art Gladius, Denix, Fury, Marto, Maxam, United Cutlery.

Prop Replicas:

FactoryX, LMTD, Master Replicas, Museum Replicas, NECA, United Cutlery.

This is not a complete list by any means, just some of the best. There are many more companies and private Smiths of out standing quality out there, and you’ll get to recognize them as you surf.

Good luck and have fun!

James Crowe, owner of www.FantasyOutpost.com , has been involved with Swords, Replicas and Collectibles for over 25 years, both as a collector and a dealer.

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The Pizzazz of Prague's Music Scene

Once the 14th century capital of the Holy Roman Empire, the city of Prague is a cultural delight; with plenty to offer travellers of all ages and from all walks of life. The bridges, parks and hills compliment the vast array of architectural styles prevalent throughout this Eastern European city and wherever you go there’s sure to be a tune to step out to. The Czech Republic’s capital city has a long standing love affair with music that will bring joy to the ears of music fans far and wide.

Music has been the lifeblood of Prague for many years with Mozart being one of the most well known musicians linked to the city. The world premiere of Mozart and Da Ponte's ‘Don Giovanni’ took place in Prague in 1787 and the popularity of Mozart’s music propelled the classical composer to celebrity status amongst the city’s people. The musician had a reciprocal feeling for the city and its people which manifested itself in the creation of Symphony No. 38 - a piece of music that Mozart dedicated to the city of Prague where he spent a lot of his time. The house Mozart lived in is now a museum and is well worth a look when visiting the city.

Prague is no stranger to accomplished musical talent and was also the birthplace of classical composers Antoní Dvorák, Leoš Janácek and Bedrich Smetana.

As well as classical music, Prague has much more to offer as the eclectic and thriving music scene proves. Jazz is a hugely popular musical genre which can be heard echoing around the city thanks to the ample street musicians and jazz bars. Tubas and trumpets are common sights and the city’s squares are popular spots for impromptu concerts to spring up.

Concerts are common fare and are found everywhere from the ordinary to the unusual. As evening descends churches double up as classical concert halls and you could find yourself anywhere from a palace to a tram museum and even the National Memorial - a hilltop mausoleum used as a music hall.

A music lover’s city just wouldn’t be the same without festivals running throughout the year and Prague certainly delivers. The Prague Spring International Music Festival is renowned as one of the great post-war festivals. The Prague Festival runs in early autumn and presents the work of world famous classical music composers. An International Jazz festival adds a little variation to the mix and is a welcome addition to the month of October.

Arriving, getting around and staying in Prague is straightforward. The hotels in Prague are as varied as the music scene itself and offer a variety of options whether you want to be immersed in the hubbub of the city or fancy a quiet spot off the beaten track.

Disclaimer: Matthew Pressman writes for a wide variety of commercial clients. This article is intended for information purposes only and readers should seek additional information before taking any actions based on its content.

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How to Find Small Closet Organizers That Fit Your Needs

Small closets present their own unique challenges so you are going to need to look for small closet organizers that can handle your small closet in unique ways. A few things you need to look for are:

Small closet organizers that make the best use of vertical space. Because space is at a premium in small closets, you need to make use of all of the space that you have. This means making sure that you get a small closet organizer that has the right kind of shelving space that allows you to make use of the vertical space you have. Depending on what you plan on putting on those shelves, you also may need to make sure that it can hold plenty of weight.

Then make sure that you get stackable boxes. If they are not properly stackable, you will end up wasting space in your closet and you could also be in danger of them falling. Stackable boxes work great for out of season clothing, shoes, and all kinds of accessories. They can also work well for those discrete items that you do not want the kids to find.

Small closet organizers that have a double hanging rod in part of the closet. The reason why this is important is because it doubles the hanging space in that area of your closet. This alone can help eliminate many of your small closet headaches. Getting double hanging rods in at least half of your closet space works well and still leaves you enough room to hang dresses and other items that need more hanging space.

Small closet organizers that fit in your space. I know that this one may seem obvious but making sure that you take appropriate and accurate measurements before you go out and buy an organizing system. There is nothing worse than getting partway into getting your closet organizer system setup and realizing that there is no way it will fit into your space. Be sure to accurately measure height, width and length of your closet.

You can find small closet organizers that fit your space and your needs perfectly. Just be sure to know what you are looking for. Get more free closet organization help at http://www.yourhomeisorganized.com/ClosetOrganizers.htm

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Credit Crisis: Blip or Full-Blown Recession?

In 2008, having entered its second year, there seems to be little chance of the credit crisis easing forcing most financial analysts to re-evaluate their position and work out how severe it will get and how much longer it will prevail. Indeed, a recent UK survey has highlighted that customer confidence is at its lowest level since the strike-ridden days of 1974 as the media continues to report abundant stories of financial doom and gloom.

But, where did it all go wrong? Few experts could have predicted that the sub-prime lending crisis in the USA would have such a disastrous knock-on effect throughout the world. However, it was only after the extent to which global banking organisations were involved in the seemingly domestic US crisis that a collective deep breath was taken.

It soon transpired that world banks were lending vast unsecured sums to each other and made worse, when, because of the sub-prime crisis they no longer trusted the ratings of each other’s loans. The distrust almost forced a complete global breakdown in lending at anything other than premium rates and then only on extremely secure options. That caution soon passed into retail markets as lending products were rapidly withdrawn, particularly in the mortgage and unsecured markets.

That too, had a knock-on effect in the housing market. House prices have fallen rapidly as most people find it hard to obtain a mortgage in the current financial climate. Record numbers of repossessions are also being reported, with recent figures showing that 48% more families lost their home up to the end of the second quarter of 2008 when compared to the previous year. That is the worst set of figures for twelve years, leaving many people in a daze. Only 12 months ago everything seemed so rosy, with the average house price rising at £1,000 per week. Now that figure is in reverse and with the market slowing to a snail’s pace seems only set to get worse.

But, it’s not just the housing market that is suffering. Retail organisations are reporting a slow-down as people now have less disposable income to spend, and credit cards are being used less. Indeed, within months of the credit crisis hitting the UK shores credit card companies started to decline record numbers of applications, and even started reducing the credit limits of customers they identified as being high risk.

Now, many people in the UK are saving more and are cutting their expenditure as they prepare for the possible hard times ahead. Depending upon which economists you believe, this current credit crisis is either only a small blip or the start of years of economic recession; only time will tell whether it’s the optimists or the pessimists who got it right.

Disclaimer: Matthew Pressman writes for a wide variety of commercial clients. This article is intended for information purposes only and readers should seek additional information before taking any actions based on its content.

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